New York City, N.Y., Nov 10, 2016 / 03:02 am (CNA).- Leah Fessler considers herself a feminist.
And the standard feminist narrative is that women can have, and
indeed enjoy, casual sex without consequences – physical, emotional, or
otherwise.
But when her experience with hookup culture (and that of her
friends’) in college failed to live up to its empowering promises and
left her emotionally empty, Fessler decided to look a little deeper.
In an article written for Quartz,
Fessler explains her quest to examine what it was about the prominent
hookup culture, and the ill-defined, non-committal
“pseudo-relationships,” at her Middlebury college campus that were
making her miserable.
“Far more frequent, however, were pseudo-relationships, the mutant
children of meaningless sex and loving partnerships. Two students
consistently hook up with one another – and typically, only each other –
for weeks, months, even years,” Fessler wrote.
“Yet per unspoken social code, neither party is permitted emotional
involvement, commitment, or vulnerability. To call them exclusive would
be ‘clingy,’ or even ‘crazy.’”
These pseudo-relationships would typically follow the same cycle, she
notes. She’d meet a guy she was interested in, they’d start texting,
meet up in their dorms late at night to discuss their mutual interests
and hobbies and families, and have sex. This would happen off and on
over the course of a few months with the same guy, then the relationship
of sorts would just fizzle and die. Wash, rinse repeat with the next.
Fessler wrote that she experienced this with at least five men by her
senior year.